4/16/08: A journey taken for myself, to see what has been going on with my spirit health lately. For a couple of days in particular in the past week, I have felt deserted and under attack by "darkness". At every turn, abandoned.

So much aggravation and little "gotchas", telling me I was saturated with Hucha (heavy, man-made dark energy) at the least, and with darkness from without at the worst. So somehow events had evolved into this Wednesday evening where I was given an hour and a half of free time, and I used it to perform 3 journeys, this being one of them.

As I entered the Spirit World, I was standing on a large, rock slab next to a mighty waterfall. But it was not water falling, but rainbow-colored spirit energy. My extra soul and guardian/helper, AnnSinn, was standing nearby. "Just look at yourself!" she said, gently but firmly chiding me.

I did, and saw I was covered, head to foot, in a thick, black slime. "You did this to YOURSELF!" she went on. "You let down your guard, weakened your aura, thought toxically, and THIS is the result."

I then stepped into the waterfall for a cleansing. I felt absolutely fabulous as large chunks of this grime began sloughing off of me. The chunks would sizzle as they hit the ground and began to melt away. I felt how one feels on a cold night, first stepping into that delightfully hot water of a shower.

When I was clean, I stepped out of the falls and onto my Dalha Mirror! They were applauding. They then led me to a long table one would see at an Expo...covered in white linen with neat piles of presentations.

There on the table were three piles. One was of high-denomination money bills; the second was a replication of my skin healed of the vitiligo; and the last was a thick stack of papers having to do with my high-functional foundation. Three of the ten Dalha spirits came up, each a different color.

The purple Dalha picked up the stack of bills and placed it into my heart, no doubt to overcome my lingering resentment of the rich. The orange Dalha picked up my new skin and placed it into my solar plexus chakra (the seat of one's current existence), no doubt to make this return to normal skin coloring an integral part of my thinking and being.

The final, green Dalha picked up the foundation stack and likewise placed it in my center Chakra. All three of these vital issues in my earth walk are now internalized!!!

AnnSinn then took me off the mirror and over to our river (see recent prior journeys for our other visits here). We swam into the river together. All our motions were in unison, as if we were one swimmer.

There was just purity of being, no cover-ups, no attempts at being something else. And that is her purpose in being with me to begin with...to make me one with both the male and female sides of being. As we reached the center of the river I looked up to see a gold-glowing eagle form on a tree branch overhanging us.

Eagle dropped me a golden feather, which I grabbed and took into myself. Here I reference the Robbie Robertson song, "Golden Feather": "When you find, a golden feather, it means you'll never lose your way back home." I knew this was a powerful message to me that such dark periods were no longer necessary or desirable.

AnnSinn and I then swam back and came out of the river. I then, at her telepathic urging, pulled the three gifts the Dalha had placed in me out as three balloons.

I released this and as they soared up into the starry sky, I could see "hands", that is, distortions in the sky that took on the shape of Hands, grabbing each Balloon and taking them into the Universe. I no KNEW that all three of these requests are guaranteed to be answered.

There is no doubt, for these requests have been visibly accepted by the universe, which always delivers, as long as we allow it with our thoughts.

I then returned to my room, but the journey was not quite over. I lay there asking all my helpers to further strengthen me, and I requested this over and over for a few seconds.

Suddenly, my longtime protector, Two Feathers, snuck in from the left and kissed me on the cheek. She no longer watches over me now that AnnSinn is my protector, and is assigned to other "newbies."

As she walked away with Gray Wolf, I felt such kinship with her, a oneness with all we have been through together in the early years. I yelled to her, "We'll meet again..." "I know," she smiled back. At this point, the journey ended.

1/11/08: A Journey taken to work with a new concept given by Joan Wilcox in her book describing the Peruvian view of the energy body. The Quosqo is a belt of energy just below the navel from which filaments of energy stream out (and into which foreign filaments stream) in making connection with all other things in existence.

Both light (Sami) and heavy (Hucha) energies flow through here. One cleanses oneself of heavy energies in the aura through this portal. It is described as having an eye that opens and constricts, and which can extend at least an arm's length out or come in very close for protection. Joan gives a series of exercises for untrained people to use to work with this spirit form, but I knew journeying to work with it would save a lot of time.

As I entered spirit space, I first checked out my Quosqo. Sure enough, there were millions of filaments radiating out into the universe. I viewed the "eye" front section and saw a whirlpool of energy there, moving outward.

Surrounding this "eye" was a hoop of energy that was receiving from without, so the two streams were flowing simultaneously in opposite directions adjacent to one another. Picture a donut where the hole is the "outgoing" portal and the donut itself the "incoming" ring.

I then began performing some of the connection exercises she recommends. I first went out in search of my birth star(s). Peruvian shamans believe each person has an assigned star, and once one connects with it, one can access all the power of one's personal ancestry.

I sent my filaments out in search and they quickly came to my star, Stars in this case. There are a pair of binary stars circling each other beyond the upper-left bright star in the Constellation Orion.

They are not visible, but are there. One is male, one is female, and so my birth stars have given me already the sacred balance of the two energies. This is no doubt why my feminine side has always been so well developed, even when I was a child.

I then went out to visit the sun and moon. Most cultures believe the sun is male energy, the moon female, but my Mongolian teachers believe otherwise, saying the moon "hunts" at night like a male.

But I checked, and the sun told me it was indeed male, and the moon said she was indeed female. They told me I knew that already from prior journeys, and that the Mongolian construct was "their construct of their reality" (and therefore equally valid).

I then, following Joan's prescription, met with the spirit of the small fir tree behind the shed, which I have made my "terge tree", decorated with prayer flags. Since it is winter, the tree spirit resides in its roots...I knew that already from prior experience.

So I flipped myself upside-down and stood on the ground to make it as if the roots came "up and out" like the canopy does normally, and merged with the tree. I felt the sturdiness, the peace, the tree has. Very still and firm. I tasted its pine sap a bit.

The terge tree then suggested I visit my nearby epiphany tree. I did so, again going into the roots. Here, merged with the tree spirit, I sensed an almost orangey taste in my mouth.

I found that its "skin" (bark system) is almost delightfully itchy. The tree told me that if I rub its bark, I will increase my power immensely in that very short time, so I will do that once I resume going out to pray.

I then decided to perform a "heavy energy purge", called Hucha Micha. I sought out and found the ball of heavy energy I had built up during the Christmas season at work. I also saw right next to it my anger at the economic imbalance in our society.

I set up the conveyor to run from this ball to a stream running down from my Quosqo to the ground, to Mother Earth. The Peruvians believe, like other cultures, that Mother Earth transmutes this energy into good, light energy.

I saw the darker energy, brown and deep red, flowing out of the ball into the Quosqo, then down the stream.

At the same time, as recommended by Joan, I extracted the light, or Sami, energy mixed in with it and sent that up to my crown chakra versus a second, opposing energy stream running up my torso axis. As she had mentioned, this did cause a lightness in my head. I ran this for about 30 seconds and will come back to it in the future. I can now do this without journeying.

As an aside, I tried feeling my Quosqo with my hand last night and was successful. There is indeed a warmer feeling just up from that part of the navel. I extended it outward an arm's length successfully as well.

I then sent a filament out to the little fir tree my wife got for Christmas which sit on the other side of the room. Once we were connected, I heard it immediately say, "I'm thirsty". So I got up an gave it a good drink of water.

The journey was now over.

A REBIRTH

4/11/07: A journey taken to check on my own spirit health now that I have decided to give up drinking alcohol. This decision came about after I realized how poorly I was reacting to things with friends and family who were around on Easter Sunday. The very next day I could see starkly that several scotches in the early afternoon had worked in conjunction with exhaustion and further imbibing to produce this "not me" response. I awoke Sunday night and Monday aghast at myself, and resolved to end this once and for all.

As I entered the Spirit World, I was in an area with lush, green vines hanging down all around me. Bees were buzzing very happily around me. I heard my name being called and looked to my left to see all my spirit Gguides standing on my Master Mongolian Shaman Mirror, which was floating on a river. The water surrounding the mirror was dazzling with millions of little sun-reflections off the tiny wavelets. As I walked down and joined them, they applauded me!

I wasn't on the mirror long...I quickly sank through into the water. I was then a tiny baby in a womb, warm and totally at peace. I then saw light in a tunnel above as I felt all the foreign energies in my entire being circulating out of me and into the surrounding water. I then went up through the tunnel (which I shortly thereafter realized had been a birth canal) and back onto the mirror surface.

The Dalha Spirits then began passing me around, each with a smile as they looked down on this new baby spirit boy. I finally ended up in the chief Dalha's arms. He fed me mana through a bottle.

I then fell asleep and dreamed of all the "negative" excesses I had experienced and caused in my life. I then saw the dusky field of my very first journey while listening to the last song on the "Sacred Spirit I" CD. It was from this field that I died to my spirit World and came here, while Two Feathers whispered encouragement and farewell to me.

I then heard a voice say, "See? It has all been a dream." I then became myself as a young man, full of strength and energy. I then shape-shifted into a hawk, and flew through the universe at an incredible speed, dodging stars...and then flew straight into a black hole (a feature in space where gravity is so strong that neither light nor matter can escape). I found myself dissolve totally in the violent pull of gravity. I came out by reversing time!

I then returned to a field where I found my wife, Janet, weeping over my grave! Apparently I had died. I went up to the headstone and erased it from view. Janet turned to me and gave me a huge hug, thankful for my return. Then the children, the ages they were in 1992, came up and likewise welcomed me back.

The scene then shifted to our house, and I was standing before my granddaughter. who was looking at me as if she were my teacher. I then infused the house with purple/white spirit energy, and did likewise to my family, to protect them from spirit-based and other harm. I then thanked my helpers as I left the mirror. But instead of coming back, I saw before me an immense golden hawk, wings outstretched. I heard a spirit voice say, "That's you!" The call back drumming then sounded, ending the journey.

ONE OF MY "SHAMAN'S DEATH" JOURNEYS

(Note: Many shamanic traditions speak of the vital Importance of training shamans going through their own "deaths" so they can come back to this life with a more balanced view of their own "self-importance"...and no fear of death. The willingness to "die" (figuratively or literally) for a client is a vital part of the shaman walk...as spoken and later demonstrated by figures such as Jesus and Mahatma Ghandi).

3/2/04: I took a journey this morning, but for the first time with the intent of allowing my teachers to choose which of two paths would be best for me to go on. I had an equal pull in two directions, so I asked them to lead me to the one most suitable for me at this point in my training.

Should I explore my Black Panther Medicine further, or face my own death in full to strengthen my shamanism. I began drumming after smudging the room. I quickly found myself in a glass-enclosed tower.

A Bald Eagle came soaring right up to the glass in front of me with talons and beak open, as if trying to get through to me. Was it anger, or desperation? Was it to startle me into action? Am I still too closed off from Eagle Medicine...is my nest still too low?

An interesting beginning. (I subsequently discovered that this was my Power Animal attempting to catch my attention as such.)

Suddenly, my first journey guide, snake (Crosses in Front), was at my feet, urging me to follow him* down the grate in the floor, which I did. We went down into a dark tunnel to the Lower World. He stood by me as all my clothes fell off.

The surroundings were muddy, rocky and bathed in a very dark blue light. I found myself now walking into an ice-cold stream, which hurt my feet lot. Still I pushed forward, having decided by now that this journey was to be about my death.

We moved up into a jungle area, where a figure dressed in all black greeted me. As I walked up an incline, numerous bugs like green head flies were attacking my all over, taking huge chunks of flesh from me. It was very distracting and painful, as they were biting my face and head as well, but I moved on nonetheless.

The attacks stopped as I reached a stone slab at a crest of a hill overlooking a river far below to my left. I lay down as snake stood and the black figure sat at a distance by me.

* I soon afterward discovered "he" was a "she."

I waited for night. When it arrived, I could see many lit tipis* and hand-held torches around me, well down the hill and surrounding me. A Black Panther then came out of the night and up to me, beckoning me to follow.

I did, and she led me to a lit-in-yellow, straw-filled bed beneath a large number of leaf-less bush branches that all had a soft white aura along their lengths. As we lay down together, I became a Black Panther cub, with my mother beside me, offering protection.

At this point, my daughter knocked on my door, and for the first time I had to totally suspend a journey. I put medicine on her tattoo, and when she left I went back to my journey.

Part of being a shaman is the ability to be able to jump between worlds, so I knew this interruption was to be no problem. I merely retraced my steps back to where I had left off, and was fully involved once again.

*Much of my spirit training to this point was involved in Native American reading, and so this was the easiest image for the helpers to use.

Then, some humanoid figures came to the straw bed where we were lying, and attacked and killed the large panther at my side with long spears. But they kidnapped me, wrapping me in a blanket and carrying me through the jungle.

I took a canoe trip as well, as I could hear and feel the water. When the trip was over, I was released from my blanket and placed in an arena with a high cliff overlooking it.

There were several tigers stalking at the other end...obviously meant for me. I was a human, and naked, once again. My spirit guides were all along the ridge of the cliff, watching me. In a new twist, though, my immediate family was along the fence, pleading with me not to go through with this.

My wife was crying to me to the extreme, and my son was yelling at me not to do this. My daughter was sobbing, and my granddaughter was calling to me. I found myself filling with tears and felt an intense longing to go back to them.

I was soon taken into a cave to sit alone, but their voices came through holes in the wall, pleading with me. My granddaughter snuck in and was walking toward me, but a figure came and snatched her away. I was going berserk with confusion.

I was crying, full of doubt about what to do. I had never felt panic like this in a journey. My breathing was fast. I believe a Power Animal came in to walk by me for a few seconds, but I can't recall which...probably squirrel or woodchuck...a smaller being, for sure.

I felt such an intense longing to just be with my family, but felt by making that choice I would be giving up all the progress I had made so far. I would have to go back to being the old me, the person I was before I began the spirit/nature walk I am now on.

I spoke to myself, and told myself I was only destroying the weak and older parts of that "old" me, that by going through this date with the tigers that I would emerge an even better person for my wife and children.

I wanted so badly for them to understand that I had to do this so I could be a more effective love and healer for them...but all I heard were their cries and begging. I filled my heart with love and intent, and determined I would return to them from this event...but had to go through it.

tLove would carry me through. I went out to face the Tigers, and offered them no resistance. One tore into my right chest, the other engulfed my head. It was a very short time before I found myself hovering over my torn and bloody body.

One of the tigers looked up at me and grinned wildly, and told me, "You can never go back." I did not feel that way, and insisted to myself that I would (NOTE: THIS IS A VITAL LESSON IN JOURNEYING. DO NOT ACCEPT ANY ATTACKS ON YOU AT FACE VALUE. YOUR INTENT IS THE MASTER, THE KEY TO OVERCOMING).

The only reason I went through this was so I COULD go back and be a better S\shaman. Two of my spirit guides appeared, and also told me I had made my choice and could not go back. I insisted I be allowed to return.

They then took my spirit to a cave, where I was fed a red vegetable-like glop with purple and green specks. Who knows what it was.

But after eating, I found myself along in a cocoon made of rainbow light. Before me, on my visual cortex, was the clear image of a lion. He began to extract thin black spears from my spirit robe, one by one.

The cocoon then closed in on me, and I felt myself rushing back to my room. I drummed myself back and took in Mother Earth's energy. I was shaken and nervous from this Journey, but felt I had accomplished a cleansing and a new commitment to the path.

Believe me, listening to my wife begging me filled me with remorse and doubt and longing...but I knew it was for her benefit that I had to go through the tiger mauling. Typing this several hours later, I feel a new calm and belonging, a new oneness with life.

I have some things left to interpret, such as eagle flying at me to begin with (see note above), the death of the mother panther, the meaning of the glop I was fed, which Power Animal came to strengthen me...but it was obvious the Shamanic Death Journey was the more important of the two options I placed before my guides, and I had chosen correctly.

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